Spare some change,please

Members of Parliament (MPs) will be meeting next month to debate proposed changes to Singapore’s political system. Among the changes proposed by the Prime Minister and his ruling People’s Action Party are changes to the Non-Constituency MPs scheme, a cooling-off day before the General Elections which sees a ban on campaigning, and tweaks to election contingencies. In the spirit of democracy, we, too, would like to propose the following (nothing political, of course) and request our esteemed MPs to debate them in the chamber.

Muay Thai training for female SQ cabin crew
After seeing that viral video of an SQ steward clobbering a drunk passenger, we think that—in the spirit of equality—it’s time the SQ girls got in on the act, too. They are the face of the airline, after all. We’ll send them to Commando Camp (conveniently located in Changi) for a quick Ranger crash course, where they can pick up some choice assassin skills. Once trained and airborne, there won’t even be a need for them to hide weapons like knuckle dusters in their hair buns or nunchucks up their sarongs. The next lout to screw around in the cabin will get his nuts smashed in by one of these lethal weapons.

A new approach to dealing with total diplomatic immunity.
That’s right. Let’s not pussyfoot around if a member of the diplomatic corps here gets into trouble with the law. Next time if an envoy, ambassador, charge d’affaires or any other person with a fancy job description mows a poor innocent down in a fit of drink-driving boorishness or assaults someone for correctly pointing out they’re tossers for parking in a handicapped zone, we shame the pants off them. Diplomatic immunity only means immunity from prosecution, which means we can do other not-so-nice things to them. Like making them stroll along Orchard Road in a diaper, pacifier and helicopter cap; forcing them to dance to Electrico; or forcing them to watch endless looped videos of Twilight: New Moon.

Farce up the S-League even further
It’s supposed to mean Singapore League, but really c’mon, is it? There are teams from France, Japan and China, and two of the local teams are from the uniformed groups. Plus one of the sides is the national under-23 football team. So yes, it is a joke; and no wonder the national team is struggling. But instead of completely overhauling the S-League, why not just add to its absurdity by expanding it. “Expansion” team No.1 is a squad of ditzy D-list model wannabes who have slept with Jack Neo. Team No.2 is made up of guys barred from the casino (they need something to do). And No.3 features a roster of Bangladeshi workers currently in between employers (they’ll kick butt, for sure).

Source: IS Magazine

Last Week In Reality, Mar 26, 2010

MARCH

15 MON
The Law Benz? A man refuses to pay a $30 dollar parking fine, feeling that he has been unfairly targeted because of his luxury car. Wilson Ang, 23, drives a Mercedes SLK convertible and received the fine at Circular Road for not displaying a parking coupon. He claims that none of the other cars in the area displayed coupons either, but none of them received fines.

It’s Just Fire Petroleum giant Shell assures environmentally conscious Singaporeans that a flame emanating from a chimney at their new Pulau Bukom complex is not hazardous. The spectacular flare is produced by the burning of waste products and produces only carbon dioxide and water.

16 TUE
Pole Position Parking poles will not be used in driving tests any longer. Responsible for a generation of drivers who learned to park by looking at stickers on their rear window, they have been dropped in favor of a more realistic parking scenario.

17 WED
Maid-guyver An Indonesian maid is wanted by the police after she assaulted her employer’s 15-year-old daughter with a bowl and threatened her with a knife. She proceeded to tie her up with a telephone cable and escaped through the kitchen window of the third floor condominium unit.

18 THU
Stealing Beauty A woman is in court facing up to 14 counts of theft and causing hurt by poison. Vicky Herman Quek, 44, targeted older men who appeared affluent and wore Rolex watches. After chatting them up she would invite them to have drinks with her. Spiking the victim’s drink with sleeping pills, she waited till he fell asleep before making off with everything of value. Much of the money she stole was spent on beauty treatments.

Hot Attire A woman in Jalan Bukit Ho Swee woke up to find her laundry on fire. It was caused by an upstairs neighbor who covered her kitchen windows with newspaper to prevent people from looking in. Some of the newspaper caught fire, found its way out the window, and set the clothes ablaze.

19 FRI
Unfriendly Fire Two people have been arrested on suspicion of selling illegal weapon parts for use in M-16 rifles commonly found in the Singapore army. The shop owners are from the military surplus market at Golden Mile Food Centre, usually referred to simply as "Beach Road." Parts available include firing pins, retaining pins and blank attachments. They are harmless on their own, but may be used to build a functioning weapon if other parts can be obtained.

Source: IS Magazine

Iranian women bloggers lauded

PARIS - INTERNET giant Google on Thursday joined a top journalists' rights group in rewarding a collective of Iranian women bloggers for their reporting on last year's post-election unrest.

The online journalists of women's rights blog we-change.org were given the 'Net Citizen' award, a new prize by Google and French media rights watchdog Reporters Without Borders (RSF) to defend freedom of expression online.

Dozens of the Iranian site's contributors have been detained for reporting online on huge anti-government demonstrations that broke out amid claims of fraud in Iran's election, RSF said.

'The Iranian women's movement has always shown resistance... Now the movement is bringing its experience and methods of working democratically into cyberspace,' said one of its members, Mr Parvin Adalan, accepting the award at Google's Paris offices.

Google and RSF said in a statement that the site, formed in 2006, 'has become a point of reference for information on women's rights in Iranian society', and 'Iranian cyber-feminists have created new spaces for expression'. 'Female online journalists show the world the abuses of power suffered in recent months by demonstrators and the population in general' in Iran, they said.

Among others shortlisted for the prize was Mr Tan Zuoren, a 55-year-old Chinese journalist jailed for five years for his reporting on poorly built schools that were destroyed in the 2008 earthquake in Sichuan, south-western China. -- AFP

Source: AFP